based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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