the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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