She said her name was "party"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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