the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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