worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
