note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
