i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
