Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
