is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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