theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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