Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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