She said her name was "party"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
