that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
