oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
