You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Randomize
