She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Randomize
