I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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