dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
