You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
