Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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