I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
