The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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