I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
