If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
