I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
