Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
