why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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