She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
