I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Welp...herpes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
