I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
