Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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