we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
