I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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