The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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