i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
