should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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