wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Randomize
