Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
