Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
