Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
