Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
