just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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