to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
