sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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