and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
