can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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