ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
