So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
