He had one of those small greek statue penises
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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