Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
