no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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